In 1989 I was arrested for the second time for ‘possession of a controlled dangerous substance’. My previous arrest was a month before that.

As I faced the reality that I was an addict and started the process to be a recovering addict, I had a number of mentors (sponsors) along the way helping me to learn to live a life free of drugs.

Throughout the years I had two primary types of people that helped me. One was the ‘hug’ style. These were the people who, whatever was going on, responded to it with compassion and kindness and reassurance that everything would be ok. This was very valuable when I felt like things were falling apart and that, in my mid 20’s, life was totally screwed up beyond repair.

The other type was the ‘kick’ style – as in, a kick in the ass. These folks were more ‘Ya, like is hard, get up and fix it’. They were all about me taking responsibility for what I could and staying focused that if I want change, I needed to change.

Both are valid. If you are aware of 12 Step programs, then you will likely know one of the creeds is ‘Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference’. It is a pretty wise creed as these things go.

As I have developed my own mentoring and therapeutic approach to others, I’ve tried my best to be balanced between these two styles. Because I do believe that sometimes we all need a hug, a cuddle from a dog, a warm word and assurance that it will be ok. And sometimes we need that person who reminds us to get up and get cracking, that if we don’t do anything then nothing will change, that we are the stewards of our own path.

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